The holidays are meant to be joyful, but for parents who do not live together, they can also bring stress. Managing two homes, schedules, and emotions isn’t easy—but with planning and cooperation, you can make the season special for your kids.
Why Co-Parenting Can Be Hard During the Holidays
- Splitting time between two homes
- Different traditions
- Strong emotions
- Financial pressure
- New partners in the mix
Research shows that when parents work together, kids feel happier and more secure. So, how can you make it work?
Here are 9 practical tips:
1. Plan Early
Don’t wait until the last minute. Sit down with your co-parent and agree on a holiday schedule as far ahead. Early planning helps avoid stress and gives everyone time to prepare.
Example: Decide who gets Christmas Eve and who gets Christmas Day well in advance so both households can plan activities without conflict.
Quick tip: Use a shared calendar or co-parenting app to keep track of plans and avoid confusion.
2. Put Kids First
The holidays should be about your children’s happiness—not old arguments. Ask your kids what they want and try to include their wishes when possible. This makes them feel valued and loved.
Example: If they want to spend time at both homes, work together to make that happen.
Quick tip: Before making any decision, ask yourself, “Is this best for my kids?”
3. Communicate Openly
Clear communication prevents misunderstandings. Share your expectations early and talk about traditions that matter most to you.
Example: If you always take the kids to see holiday lights, let your co-parent know so they can plan around it.
Quick tip: Use “I” statements like “I’d love to keep this tradition” to avoid sounding accusatory.
4. Be Flexible
Even the best plans can change. Be willing to adjust if something special comes up, like a family event on your ex’s side. Flexibility shows your kids that their happiness matters most.
Example: Swap Christmas Day for New Year’s Eve if needed.
Quick tip: Always have a backup plan for last-minute changes.
5. Create New Traditions
Holidays after divorce will look different, but they can still be magical. Start new traditions that fit your family now.
Example: One parent decorates the tree, the other takes the kids ice skating.
Quick tip: Let the kids help create these traditions—they’ll feel more connected to both homes.
6. Keep Boundaries
The holidays can stir up old emotions. Avoid arguments and focus on the kids. If something upsetting happens, take a deep breath and let it go.
Example: If your ex says something that triggers a reaction, step away instead of responding.
Quick tip: If things get tense, take a break before responding.
7. Don’t Compete Over Gifts
Trying to outdo your ex with gifts can create stress and make kids feel caught in the middle. Agree on a budget and coordinate who buys what.
Example: One parent buys the big gift, the other handles smaller ones.
Quick tip: Focus on experiences—like baking cookies or watching movies—because those memories last longer than toys.
8. Share Special Moments
If you and your ex get along, consider sharing key moments like opening presents as a group. It shows your kids that both parents are there for important times.
Example: Spend Christmas morning together before going separate ways.
Quick tip: If being together is hard, use video calls to share the moment.
9. Take Care of Yourself
Co-parenting during the holidays can be exhausting. Make time for self-care so you can stay calm and positive.
Example: Read a book, take a walk, or enjoy a quiet cup of coffee.
Quick tip: Schedule “me time” like any other holiday event—it’s just as important.
Bottom Line
Co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be stressful. With planning, communication, and flexibility, you can create joyful memories for your kids—and for yourself.
